Sometimes we look into our neighbor’s yard and it sure seems the grass is greener over there. We look into other’s lives on Pinterest or Facebook and it seems there is a plethora of beautiful family photos-people enjoying Hawaii for Christmas and the New Year, or a Colorado chalet with plenty of snow, or maybe even a summer or fall park. Everyone decked and looking like they walked right out of a page of some bougie magazine. There is a reason that teens on social media are at far greater risk for developing depression than teens and tweens that have restricted time on social media. Turns out, I believe that adults are just as susceptible to peering into these places and seeing these images and conjuring up stories in their subconscious. Stories that of course aren’t true, but we tend not to be aware of what’s going on in those subterranean areas of our mind, let alone, taking those thoughts to the mat and arguing with them.
My goodness, I have been so deceived myself. Why doesn’t our family look like that? What have we done wrong that we don’t take the trips to Cabo every year? They all look so happy, they must have a great life. Most of us are guilty of peering into a snapshot of other people’s lives, a moment in time and building a story of what their lives must be like and comparing our far less glamorous life to that imagined tale. My goodness, I have even done it at church. I have gone to church with families that I haven’t gotten to know very well, but see week after week. Our lives, taking us in opposite directions. And they all look so perfect. Couples that look happily married. Their kids perfectly behaved and always looking like they just walked out of a Baby Gap commercial.
Here’s the thing. To my surprise, I asked a couple of these ladies on separate occasions about their lives and told them, that outside looking in-they just look like they have come from amazing homes, and have built amazing lives-perfect marriages, perfect kids. And what I was met with is laughter and a strong dose of reality which is goes something like this: “Our kids throw up too. We have everyday chaos. I grew up in a totally dysfunctional family, broken home. We are both on our second marriage. We’ve had seasons of struggle. You should have seen us in the first decade-oh my goodness! Nope, we suffer from the uglies and sometimes there’s even a fight on the way to church, just like everyone else.”
The temptation for us all, is to want to jump the fence and live another life. ‘If I were with someone else, then I’d be happy. If I had that other blend of grasses in my yard, I’m sure my lawn would be as lovely as theirs.’ The thing is, happy and satisfaction come from within, not from without. We certainly can have moments of happy and fulfilment that arise circumstantially, but circumstances are moments and, like shifting sands, don’t last. What I have found is that when I cut off the possibility of ‘someone or something else’ fulfilling me from the outside, or thinking my spouse’s job was to make me happy, (in effect putting the pressure on my spouse to be my functional god); when I quit looking laterally to this visible world for satisfaction and fulfillment, but instead started looking vertical, being rooted and grounded in the truth of God’s Word, bad days were fewer and fewer. Joy grew more and more. Gratitude bloomed where dead grass clung. I started pouring water and fertilizer in my own yard and garden and, ya know what? It started to green up and grow. I didn’t need to blow the boundaries of my yard and covet someone else’s grass. I just needed to tend and pour into what the Lord had given me.
We are called to love those who disappoint us. Matthew 5:43-48 reminds us to love even when we aren’t feeling loved back. God promises to use all of our struggles to grow us, to mature us, so that we are resilient and grow in perseverance. Sometimes grass seems greener in other pastures. It is likely what is needed is for us to pour the fertilizer and water on our own…and trust God for the outcome.
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