Sock chewing is a condition that holds onto the pain inflicted by another person resulting in built up bitterness (eventually) and likely anger. What we sock-chewers fail to consider though is that bitterness within us is like drinking poison, expecting the other person to die.
I know I promised you Part 2 would be on forgiveness. Forgiveness is complex enough that I am going to break it down into at least three parts. No one who knew me growing up would accuse me of being a math genius but….I think that means we are looking at least at three or four parts to Part 2…..just to give you a heads up and avoid math confusion. I don’t think my brain works like everyone else’s when it comes to math. In part one, Hollow Apologies….a Sign to Have a Boundary – mustard seed coaching and mediation, we briefly explored the hollow apology. That apology leaving us want of having the offender really understanding the pain and or wound that they inflicted. The apology that has, for instance either not been attempted at all or the apology that has been ‘butted’. You know the confession that starts out, “I’m sorry, (followed by)… but……” and then in the middle of the apology you hear the offender blaming you and/or making excuses for their maltreatment, abuse or inconsideration of you, your time, resources, talent, or emotions, actually re-inflicting pain on an already raw wound. Realistically, we’ve all done the same thing to others as we have navigated life. Most of us don’t come out of the womb with the proper understanding of a thorough (biblical) apology, confessing what you did to everyone you offended, owning 100% of your behavior (no excuses), connecting with and acknowledging the pain of the person you hurt, committing to change your behavior, accepting the consequences of your breach. We will explore The Apology in Part 3….coming soon! But before that…..what about forgiveness? Should we forgive another’s offense? How do we forgive another’s offense/what does it look like? Is it a sign of weakness to forgive?
Should we forgive another’s offense?
Forgiveness as a follower of Jesus isn’t optional, it’s not a serving suggestion, it’s a choice, a conscious sacrificial act, the other person doesn’t deserve……just like you and I don’t. Sometimes forgiveness feels easier than at other times, depending on the damage. I think a radical help in helping us to forgive is us taking time to contemplate how first we have blown it in our lives and the underserved, unearnable grace and mercy-forgiveness we’ve been shown or offered us. My sin is far more offensive to a holy God than any offense anyone can do to me…..and yet, He has chosen to forgive me. He went to the cross in my place for the forgiveness of my sins before I even believed in Him. He ‘went first’. His love and forgiveness was offered before I confessed, repented. He loved me first while I was yet still a sinner, unredeemed. When I think of my radically-imperfect self in light of that….I can’t help but forgive as I have been forgiven. I have been given a gift that I don’t deserve…..eternity. Here are some scriptural helps.
Matthew 6 (NIV) – Be careful not to practice (blueletterbible.org) Matthew 6:15
Luke 6 (NIV) – One Sabbath Jesus was going (blueletterbible.org) Luke 6:37
Colossians 3 (NIV) – Since, then, you have been (blueletterbible.org) Colossians 3:13
This radical act of obedience…forgiveness which is supernatural and counterintuitive to our natural way of thinking when extended to another, you become a benefactor. If unforgiveness is drinking poison and hoping the other person suffers, then what would forgiveness represent? James 5:16 says, “Therefore, confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.” ……..so that you may be healed. Maybe that healing comes through the forgiveness that follows confession? Maybe it’s healing that comes from having a clean conscious with God and others? But I also think the same application can be made to forgiveness. I think relationships are healed through forgiveness, bridges are formed, hearts are healed through forgiveness….and maybe your own conscious is healed through the act of forgiving even though it’s hard, counterintuitive obedience-it’s that still small voice in our head that doesn’t let us have peace when we withhold it. God’s ways are higher than our ways as the heavens are above the earth. He who created you and me and our entire being-body, mind, soul and spirit, knows what is best for us. He knows we need forgiveness, and He knows the blessing that comes from our obedience to His command for it.