How do we forgive another’s offense? What does it look like?
In Part 1 of Forgiveness HOLLOW APOLOGIES…..PART 2-FORGIVENESS (part 1 of 3 or 4 or…….?) – mustard seed coaching and mediation we explored the ‘should’ behind forgiveness, the impetus. Can you still forgive the person with whom you need to have a strong boundary of non-relationship for safety reasons? Yes. You give them and their sin over to God to deal with in His perfect way and in His perfect timing. We can’t know the mind of Christ-what He is up to in another’s life-that is His business and their business. Isaiah 55:9 Isaiah 55 (NIV) – Come, all you who are (blueletterbible.org) talks of His ways being higher than our ways and His thoughts higher than our thoughts as the heavens are above the earth. When I look around at creation, it’s not a stretch for me to understand this. Who-other than God could have created with such perfection? Go to freshman biology and check out the Krebs Cycle and the design of the aspen tree just to start….it’s a wonder! To me it takes far greater faith to think that all of creation and the scientific wonder of it all happened by a random accident. I may not know what He is up to or His methods, or His timing (I want to see justice according to my timeline of what I think would be good). But when I realize He knows the end from the beginning, He sees what I cannot fathom. I can’t tell you how many times I couldn’t see a good outcome from a tough situation while I was in it, some things have taken years to come full circle, but they did-in ways I would not have imagined.
Forgiveness as a follower of Jesus is not an option, it’s not a serving suggestion, it’s a choice, an act of love, a conscious sacrificial act, because the other person doesn’t deserve it……just like you and I don’t. I think a radical help in forgiveness is us taking time to contemplate how first we have blown it in our lives and the underserved, unearnable grace and mercy we’ve been shown or offered. My sin is far more offensive to a holy, perfect God than anything anyone can do to me…..and He has chosen to forgive me. He went to the cross in my place for the forgiveness of my sins before I even believed in Him. He loved me first while I was yet still a sinner, unredeemed. When I think of my radically-imperfect self in light of that….I can’t help but forgive as I have been forgiven. I have been given a gift that I don’t deserve…..eternity. ‘Ok Christine, but HOW? How do I forgive when I don’t feel like it?’ Shouldn’t we feel it first? Not necessarily. I think it’s a choice that we need help with! The world, the rational human mind will say, you think, you feel, then you act based on those feelings. For a believer this should operate differently. We think (taking our thoughts captive to Christ/the bible gives us truth-guidance), we act out of obedience by faith given by faith, and then trust the feelings to follow. So where do we begin when we don’t feel it, when I am raw and have all kinds of opposition to the idea of forgiving? That’s an awesome, honest, fair, and logical question. I think with an honest and raw conversation with The One who gives us the command to forgive! Consider David in the Psalms. He had always had lots of questions and frankly, complaints for God while at the same time always asking for help understanding, help making things right….always ultimately concluding and declaring God to be faithful and trustworthy and good. An example: Psalm 64 (NIV) – *For the director of music. (blueletterbible.org)
I think you ask the Commander for help! Tell Him your whole heart around the issue….it may sound something like this, “Lord, I know you have told us to forgive one another as You have forgiven us. I confess that in my heart, I don’t want to. It doesn’t feel fair or right to forgive this person this offense. I’ve been hurt and it feels like they are just getting a free pass by me forgiving them. Help me release them to you to deal with. Your ways are higher than my ways and so I need to trust you with this whole situation to do Your work in both of us. I need Your help to forgive them. Show me how, change my heart. I want to be obedient to You. Thank You for paying the price for all my sin and all their sin, for going first on our behalf….as the song goes, Jesus take the wheel.”