The blog post became a book!
I am fiercely FOR great marriages! Of course, How To Wreck Your Marriage 101 is tongue in cheek! Of course, I don’t want you to wreck your marriage-but everyday we all make critical mistakes that chip away at the foundation of our marriages. We have these habits and patterns that erode the bond of this most sacred of relationships.
As you read this book, you will be challenged to ‘think differently’. Packed with a lot of practical guidance, each chapter is headed with a sassy example of the common actions and reactions I see people do that torpedo the success of creating or maintaining secure, loving, connected, intimate, relationships and marriages. It is also part memoir as I let you peer into my marriage and confess like a trusted friend who has your back, mistakes I also made, so you realize this isn’t ‘Pristine Christine’ standing above you, wagging a finger of shame, but standing next to you at the foot of the Cross-needing to be forgiven, and course correct for the same mistakes. I invite you, as you read, to imagine us both sitting with a steamy cuppa jo or tea, in a quiet den having a conversation; that is what I imagined as I wrote. Not sterile, not grammatically perfect and without using a lot of fancy psycho-babble, it’s written conversationally, friend to friend.
We live in a world where people try to put on an air of having it all together. People don’t want to appear to have weaknesses. We have our lawns mowed, drive brand new shiny SUV’s and dress our kids like they just walked out of a Gap Kids ad. We spend $50K on kitchen remodels so that when we host, people think we live the idyllic life. We show up to church in our ‘Sunday best’, smiling and greeting people warmly after launching torpedoes at our spouse and kids because something went wrong that morning. Truth is, we all pass gas and we all wake with bad breath and a good case of bed head. People want to be seen in the best light, looking like we ‘have it all together’. Truth is, none of us do. Truth is, healing comes when we get real about the toxic things we do in relationship, behind closed doors, often doing the best we can with the tools in our toolboxes. Truth is, toolboxes represent a spectrum of preparedness, all of us are missing some tools. Truth is, we need a clean up on Aisle 16-because our thinking often isn’t tidy or even accurate. When one person is transparent about their weaknesses, mistakes, and failures, it invites others to get real, looking at and confessing how they have struggled and failed as well. So while I share with you the truth and the course corrections, I also share with you the very real struggles and failures I have experienced in marriage as well.
- At the end of each Chapter there are practical Next Steps to take as you identify with the toxic pattern addressed at the beginning of the chapter.
- Because we feel what we focus on, and we are often driven by emotion-I help you think about your thinking, challenging it. You will also be challenged to make a change to your patterns, based on new thinking, while you might not yet ‘feel’ like it. That’s ok. Feel the feelings and do the right thing, anyway.
- If you are willing to look in the mirror, I help you see the things you might be doing that, while you might not think do harm or damage-are sabotaging emotional intimacy, and relational trust with your partner.
- Finally, this book is for you to be able to analyze the mistakes you are making, not to read to point out to your spouse the mistakes they are making. (That will absolutely sabotage good results)…and might be one of the destructive patterns you need to course correct in the first place! You will be more successful in creating the close, connected, trusting marriage of your dreams as you focus on repairing the pot holes and cleaning up your side of the street. Lead by example. Let your actions speak louder than words. Be steady. Rome wasn’t built in a day. Likely, your marriage wasn’t wrecked in a moment, it was 10,000 tiny cuts. Trust is regained over time.
Click here to grab your copy of the ebook: How To Wreck Your Marriage 101.