I married a quiet one. I will date myself, but for those of my generation who watched too much tv growing up, (as I did), you will remember the tag line for the investment company, ‘When E.F. Hutton speaks…..people listen’. Even as a kid, I got the concept. E.F. Hutton might not say much, but when he speaks, you should stop what you are doing and you should point your ears.
A sweet communication has taken place. I am always trying to engage my Quiet One. Always trying to say, ‘I love you’ in different ways. Sometimes it’s a nice meal, sometimes it’s just taking care of all the little extra things that need to be taken care of. Over the past couple of years my Quiet One has taken to pouring me coffee in the morning as he is usually up and going a few minutes before I am. It’s his sweet way of taking care of me and saying, ‘I love you.’ I listened. I heard. I appreciate(d).
Last year I found a little heart shaped stone perfectly sized for sitting on the ledge of our master bathroom mirror. We have two sinks. My side, his side. After I found it, I wanted to give it to him so I placed it on the ledge on ‘his’ side of the mirror. It was an ‘I love you.’ And it sat there. No real communication about it that I recall. Just hearing it get knocked down in the middle of the night by the cats, dropping into ‘his’ porcelain sink and creating a waking crash. One wouldn’t think a small stone could say so much when dropped into a sink, but it does. Or was it the sink hollering? Maybe both.
My Quiet One hasn’t ever really moved the stone. It falls, I put it back in its place and life goes on. But the other day, the stone appeared on my side of the mirror. My Quiet One spoke! By the grace of God I saw, I ‘heard’. I am so glad I didn’t miss it.
I used to be frustrated at how little my Quiet One communicated. When I say Quiet One, I mean really not chatty, pretty reserved. His wife was given at least 150 thousand words a day on average (snicker snicker) and he could go a day uttering maybe 10….unless of course I am under a deadline and a little stressed with my feet to the fire. That is usually when my Quiet One comes out of his shell and gets super chatty. Kidding. Ok, maybe not.
My encouragement would be to listen for your spouse’s communication style. He or she may be speaking volumes inaudibly for you to listen with your heart. You, like me, may have been missing a lot.