I think people have the misnomer that it takes both spouses to enter cooperatively into couple’s counseling/coaching to right the wrong, to turn the ship around. But is that true? Actually, my personal experience in my own marriage says it isn’t true. Add to that, the evidence I have witnessed in my coaching practice working with individuals, solo, in a strained marital relationship.
I’ve said it before and I will say it again; one person changing how they respond and operate in a relationship will by necessity change the dynamic of the relationship. The power of one is massive in terms of exerting influence for good in a relationship.
The power of One. Today is ‘Good Friday’. The One, the great I AM, one person, the God Man changed everything roughly 2000 years ago today. As I write this, He was suffering an unjust trial, being mocked, scorned, flogged (beyond human recognition). He, being sinless and perfect, loving us perfectly, and while we were yet still His enemies, willingly, he obediently bore The Cross to pay the price for our sin. So, I ask you, can one person have influence in a relationship? Absolutely. He changed the course of history.
I personally can testify to the change in me because of the influence of Him in my life. His influence in my life, changed me, continues to change me, as a consequence, changed how I navigated my marriage. My marriage fundamentally took a turn for the better. It was supernatural. We, statistically shouldn’t be sitting in the same living room, sharing the same roof, sharing meals, adventures, loving one another, but we are. Not only are we still miraculously married, we aren’t simply tolerating each other. I know you have to have observed couples that simply tolerate each other for 30, 40, 60 years….yes? They get to the end and there isn’t true love, passionate, fierce, committed, sacrificial care, instead the couple is defeated, resigned, bitter, hopeless and surviving (barely grasping on by their fingertips), not thriving. Joyless, living without intention, mired in reactivity. When I quit reacting instinctually to the sin against me, instead responding in love, (because it was modeled to me by The One, namely Jesus) our conflict changed. So, let me be clear-I haven’t arrived and I don’t execute this perfectly-but I’m not where I was, I’ve grown. We’ve grown. Do we still irritate each other? Yes. Do we see eye to eye and agree on everything? No. Do I still feel frustrated with him at times? Indeed. But my reason for resolving those conflicts and our navigation of those conflicts has changed. The heart of my spouse toward me, softened. Because I changed, he changed, our relationship changed…..everything changed. I didn’t change because I am better than my spouse, I changed because in His great mercy and grace, the God of the Universe arranged events so that I would understand the good news of the gospel like I never had before. Jesus changed me. He changed my purpose, my reason for living, my perspective and how I choose to think. From that, everything changed.
The very calendar we use is dated because of This One, Jesus. BC equals before Christ. AD refers to after His death. Jesus had massive influence in this world. He was a revolutionary. You didn’t see the high priest of the Pharisees kneeling down, humbling himself and washing the feet of those who followed him. Jesus came to serve instead of being served-the opposite of how we naturally think of ourselves, we think we deserve to be served. He was a revolutionary, especially to the ‘religious elite’.
If you want to dive deeper- read the gospel of John, chapters 13-17. Let your mind be blown. The bulk of those chapters is Jesus talking, teaching. It’s so intimate, this relationship He wants to have with us and has with those who have accepted Him as their Savior. He says He will be in us, will come and dwell within us. And if He is dwelling in me-how is it I couldn’t be changed?…..the ripple effect touching those around me?
The power of one.
Matthew 17:20 “……………..Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.”
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