In Part 1 we talked about how adverse childhood events can, but not necessarily will, result in stress-related illnesses and complications thereof. What then, is the influencing factor that is largely determinative of a positive life/health/relationships outcome versus negative? Thoughts. Yes-I pound the table on this daily, if not hourly because they can take us down or build us and others up. Either we are taking our thoughts to the mat or they will take us to the mat. Yesterday I was pinned to the mat by a thought-yes, I have to fight life-sucking thoughts too…..and I help others with this for a living! No one is immune. How we think about our life challenges/traumas is huge. The game changer: not focusing on the adversity and deprivation consequential to childhood or life traumas but expanding thought processes (our stories) and realizing opportunities can not only arise out of surviving adversity but we and others can thrive as a result.
In a University of Buffalo study of 30 thousand participants, your stress about your stress adds to the initial stress and has a multifold increase in stress-related illnesses and early death. The opposite, as it turns out, turning our pain into purpose powerfully contributes to a positive outcome that has a ripple effect on not only generations to come in your own family, but there is a ripple effect to others’ lives you touch as well.
When we turn our pain into purpose-whether that be traumas we endured, unexpected losses, abuse, neglect, disappointments, when we take that and overcome and heal, we can comfort, encourage and serve others who have gone or are going through similar things-our brains release oxytocin. A bonding hormone. We connect with others and not only are they healed but we are healed in the process. It reminds me of the other scripture that I told you I would speak of in Part 1 that has so powerfully shaped my coaching practice:
2 Corinthians 1:3-6 ”Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ. If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance for the same sufferings we suffer.” Our pain and suffering doesn’t go to waste in God’s economy, hallelujah!
In the study mentioned above, those who turned their pain into purpose had a 0% increase of stress-related illness and early death due to adverse childhood events/trauma. God’s prescription is in His Word. Find purpose in your pain, take captive every thought to Christ (His Truth/His Word), connect to others, live in community, serve and comfort others with the comfort you yourselves have received (and let the healing begin!).
My husband and I have both experienced the benefits of serving others, turning our pain into purpose. My husband was bullied as a child-not only was it unpleasant, it was downright traumatic and haunted him into his adult life. Consequently, he suffered PTSD that went formally undiagnosed until recently, but that isn’t the end of the story. He could have let PTSD become his identity, a dead-end, hopeless diagnosis. There is too much to his story to share all the details here. There has been a multi-faceted approach to his healing. Part of which, he spends most Fridays working with kids with disabilities, the disadvantaged, the ‘underdogs’ whom he has huge compassion for as a result of his identity as an outcast, underdog and trauma he suffered as a kid. I will tell you-his countenance is changed, he goes through a ‘healing’ every week when he spends some hours giving of his time and talent to change another’s life, to be a friend to the friendless and it’s a beautiful thing to watch. His nervous system has literally settled down and he is far less often triggered. God turned his pain into purpose and the good news is He can do the same in you and me.
I thought this was going to be only Part 1 and 2 but I have a Part 3 brewing in my brain, so stayed tuned! Blessings on your day!
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