It happens to us all. We get disillusioned with our jobs, careers, marriages, parenting, family, holidays, people, our church family. We build these expectations in our minds of what it will be like. What it should be. The ideal. The ‘standard’ that various life events should emulate. And then, as my friend Lola puts it, life gets ‘lifey’. It fails, sometimes dramatically, to meet our expectations and we are left with disappointment. Our Folger’s Coffee commercial Thanksgiving ideal turns out to be anything but. Our bubble is burst. The wheels come off the cart and the train derails. And…not being in control of others, what do we do? How do we role? How do we bounce back?
Good ingredients for building resiliency in our lives…..
- Reminding ourselves we have made choices. Sometimes those choices have put us in less than ideal circumstances. We chose a marriage partner that maybe isn’t the best when it comes to ‘team playing’ or we chose to have kids and we are in a season right now where they need a LOT. Or we took a job that we need to give back….lol. It takes us out of the feeling we are without choice.
- Focusing on the choices we do have. We can choose to love in an unloving situation. It might not be our first reaction-certainly our fleshy hearts want revenge. We want an eye for an eye, we want to throw sand back at people who throw sand at us when we are in the sandbox. But we can choose not to. We can choose to take the high road and have an opportunity for impactful positive influence when we don’t stoop.
- We can focus on what we are grateful for. Ok so the situation might not be perfect. In fact, it might be far from perfect. Living in a world that is far from perfect, (just like us), usually there is something, in fact many things that we have to be grateful for.
- We can brainstorm possibilities. How can we better it? Being flexible is an inherent quality in the life of the resilient person. Holding plans loosely. Being able to go with the flow and embrace change. The tighter we hold certainty in the things of this world, the likelier we are to suffer when uncertainty inevitably knocks at our door.
- Embracing uncertainty. Learning that the only certain thing we can count on is change. That is a lesson in not arguing with reality. As Dr. Phil says, ‘You can be right, or you can be happy’.
- Finding the silver in the lining. Can you bring good from it? Can God bring good from it? Perhaps it’s a work situation. Usually there is nothing stating you are joined at the hip. Sometimes a move, though uncomfortable and maybe testing your ability to deal with uncertainty, can be just the shove from the comfort zone that we need to reimagine what we do with our lives. Someone burned the turkey? Ok! Chinese it is! I can tell you that some of the best family stories are born out of disappointing circumstances…the Hero’s Saga. Like my dad, melting the soles off my $80 running shoes (it was in the 80’s-so they were expensive at the time!) trying to dry them out for me on a camping trip. It’s what great movies are made of.
I just spent some time at a women’s retreat this weekend with some ladies from church. At every retreat, one of the women, at least one, is invited to be a speaker and share her testimony. Testimonies always have a Hero Saga to them. The Hero-always being God using every day situations and people and the growth that comes through the events and circumstances in our lives, some we’ve chosen; others not chosen and unwelcome. When women bravely share their testimonies, it reminds me time and again what a gracious God we have. He takes the worst circumstances and brings beauty from ashes.
As we approach the holidays-I wish you resilience.
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