In Part 1 of To Forbear or Not to Forbear…That is the Question https://mustardseedcoachingandmediation.com/to-forbear-or-not-to-forbear-that-is-the-question/
we looked at fear as it relates to forbearance. How easy it is to lose a grip instead of expressing patience when we are walking in fear. To not make my last post a novel, I stopped where I was at, referencing the parents’ legitimate concern with the ‘hippy drug culture’ they were witnessing in the late 60’s. Oh my goodness, in my brain that doesn’t seem that long ago because….I was born in the 60’s-but when I think of kids today thinking wayyy back to the ‘60’s that must feel ancient to them, as the 20’s felt to me when I was a kid. Hilarious. Ok, back from that rabbit trail. But legitimate concern for their kids and the culture at large became hijacked by the story-telling in their minds; the concern turned to fortune-telling assumptions in their minds which they then reacted to. It’s understandable. Instead of building bridges and relationship, drawing their kids in closer, inviting their kids’ friends over and becoming ‘the house’ that they chose to hang out at (where they could have influence), it looked more like rules without relationship which results ultimately in rejection (at least for a time). Kids fear loss of freedom and reject their parents as their parents ‘lay down the law’ when connection isn’t strong and relationship is weak.
The same happens in marriage. When the connection is weak, thoughts can wander. ‘Grass is greener on the other side’ thinking can happen. ‘He will leave me; this won’t last’ thoughts can happen. Disappointments can grow to become mountains in the marital path, left unresolved. We can get into ‘all or nothing’ thinking-our spouse can become ‘all bad’ in our minds when we don’t challenge the ‘all or nothing’ thoughts; usually ‘all or nothing’ thinking isn’t true, it’s just how we feel in the moment.
Again, I reference another relationship in the Jesus Revolution movie, ( a movie my husband and I give 5 stars) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=07eXfF6Zw44, this time not a parent/child relationship, but a relationship where a woman seemingly jumps from relationship to relationship, looks for love in all the wrong places, cuts and runs with her son, and the pain and instability she and her child endure as a result. Of course, I can’t know whether she left this man because she was abused in these relationships, it wasn’t suggested or revealed that was the case. Though the movie is based on a true story, we can’t for sure know what the heart motive or thought process this woman/mother had, but in my gut, I wondered if she also, was letting fear control her behavior. Fear of being alone. Fear of having a good guy leave her, so she left first to avoid feeling rejected? Fear of not being ‘enough’-not feeling worthy? Fear of what settling down might mean-fear of a perceived loss of freedom…? At any rate-destruction resulted.
I can say that I let fear run my life for decades. I felt I could identify with that woman in the movie earlier on in my life. Looking for love in all the wrong places. I feared being alone, being left, not being enough, being tied down to Mr. Wrong, too much instability, etc…etc… Bottom line, my anchor was tied to something or someone horizontal. I was trying to find something or someone in this world who would never let me down. I was looking for perfect, yet somewhere in my mind, I knew that perfection this side of heaven doesn’t exist in a person. Perfect trustworthiness, unchangeable, good always, all powerful, omniscient, omnipresent only exists in One who gave His life for my sin, past-present-future. He will never let me down, He will never forsake me. He has a name……..Jesus. Yes….I’m a Jesus Freak and when I put my trust in Him-my life changed. I quit running.
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