Sometimes the process of healing is painful, overwhelming and feels so…..big.
Should we not try or quit because it looks hopeless and we can’t see a way
through? It feels tempting. I can relate to having been there. I
sure have felt that way before. I have questioned God’s ability to make
something good come from something that looks so bad, so final, so
unrecoverable. I confess I have asked, ‘What were You thinking!?!?!!’ In fact, I have been so distant from the Lord that I
didn’t even consider His hand in the equation at all, I didn’t consider calling
out to Him….it didn’t even occur to me. Relying instead only on myself, my
thoughts, my ways, my perspective. It seems so contrary doesn’t it, the
Lord having a plan for restoration, rescue, for healing, for working something
for my good out of something so bad? How?
I have had the privilege of coaching people through some significant
traumas, everyone in varying time and distance from their individual
instances.
I think of Hurricane Ian that just blew through and ravaged Florida’s west
coast. Not having been through a hurricane personally-I can only imagine
the overwhelm in the during and in the immediate aftermath. Or a
devastating earthquake significant enough to cause structural damage-I can’t
imagine. I have been through a few earthquakes that were big enough to
feel and shake the dickens out of the house, jumping out of bed in the fight or
flight stance (think Karate Kid, kung foo fighting stance-lol), it was scary as
heck but amazingly didn’t cause harm to the structure. Trauma can be like
that. When you are in the middle of a hurricane-all you know is you are in
a natural disaster and you only think about survival. In that
moment you aren’t worried about the material possessions so much. It is
so intense, overwhelming and in your face, you are only thinking about how you
and your family and pets, neighbors will survive it. In that moment, you
aren’t worrying about rebuilding. Or even immediately following the
disaster, it has to be mind-numbingly overwhelming. I imagine it
is mind-numbingly overwhelming, (not actually having survived one but having
seen images). So much so that you wonder if Humpty Dumpty will ever be
put right again or where to begin.
It can be the same with other types of trauma. Maybe someone was taken
unexpectedly out of your life in a tragic accident, maybe someone betrayed you
and you were blindsided; maybe you were abused as a child or in an abusive
relationship as an adult. The more distance that lies between you and the
incident(s), the more likely you are able to begin to comprehend the
possibility of healing, of putting things right or ‘right-er’. The closer
you are to the incident, the harder it can be to see healing or anything good
coming of it as possibility. This week I worked with someone so close to
her trauma, my heart broke. She was in the throes of it. She had no
capacity to see beyond the heartbreak, shattered dreams and expectations.
My husband is going through medical treatment and this morning, (in the
throes of it), he wondered out loud, ‘I can’t see this being fixed in the 60
days of treatment they have said.’ I felt for him. Sometimes in the
throes of it, it can look like a fridge or closet being cleaned out or a engine
in a car being replaced, 10,000 parts and pieces laying on the bench, floor,
everything disheveled. It gets messier before it’s put
right. Sometimes we have to deal with the messy, the collateral damage of
trauma. Don’t hear what I am not saying…..I
am not saying that bad isn’t bad. Bad is
bad. I am not saying grief isn’t grief or shouldn’t be grieved. I am not saying we shouldn’t feel our
feelings. God gave us emotions and
feelings and they are here to alert us that something is up. I am saying that
there is help and hope for the storm and we can come through the storm, even
though when in it-we can’t see it.
In part 2 we will consider another Higher perspective and gain encouragement.