‘Still crazy after all these years…..’. For those of us of a certain generation, when we read those words, it’s hard not to hear Paul Simon’s soothing voice singing those words. I can remember when that song was popular, 1975. I was all of ….9 when the song came out and even though I was an early grade schooler, clearly too young for dating, I knew what he was singing about. I somehow got it. ‘Still being in love after all these years together’ was something to hope for. Something to strive for. Something cherished. Something special. I knew I wanted that. I knew I didn’t want the romance to wane in my future marriage. I didn’t want the love to resemble a parched riverbed in the desert southwest. As I matured, I observed a lot of marriages, the good, the bad, and the ugly.
I saw people who acted as though they couldn’t stand one another proudly say, ‘Yep! We’ve been married 60 years!’ I thought myself, is that really an accomplishment? Is that the goal to just make it over the finish line without truly loving one another? Is the target to just tolerate each other and not get a material/legal divorce, cohabitating but far from keeping your vows?
This week, my hubs and I stopped in at The Stonehouse pub/eatery in SeaTac airport having hours to kill before our red eye flight home to Montana after people watching for a couple hours where B, C, and D gates intersect. While I was visiting with Mike (my husband) about all that has taken place over the past few extremely busy weeks for us and sipping a glass of seriously overpriced cab, I witnessed this couple interacting at the back of the pub, straight in my line of vision beyond my husband. I noted their age, advanced in years-I would say 80’s for him and 70’s for her, but youthful in their energy. The striking thing is that they were having a blast! He was smiling the whole time, one would have thought they were just newly dating or newlyweds. Genuinely smiling, laughing and completely engaged with his bride, while she hung on his every word. They weren’t kids, but kids at heart. I marveled. What they had was rare indeed! I stopped them on their way out walking past us and told them I couldn’t help but observe how they interacted and asked what their secret was. Blushing and beaming, he told us they had been married 57 years, (longer than I have been alive). He said, ‘keep it interesting!’ In other words, work at it and be intentional; keeping it interesting isn’t without effort or intention. Not knowing how long they would have to be quarantining in a hotel in Italy during the Covid debacle in 2020, he spoke about how she found an interesting work-around for food delivery and they made the best of it. He marveled at her resourcefulness, reminiscing about how they made what could have been bad, better. She said, ‘Be flexible!’ and have a long-haul view. You could see they had mutual love and respect for each other. I also noted that neither was giving 80 percent of their attention to their cell phone while the other was either distracted with their own phone or staring out into space desperately wishing to connect, in an isolated silence.
The majority of people I saw this weekend had their faces glued to their phones. Husbands, wives, parents, kids. People on their fun, family vacation completely disconnected from each other traveling to the same destination. Intentionally, (conveniently) or unintentionally distracted. I will admit, sometimes it feels easier to connect with the phone in superficial relationship because it is ‘safe’ and uncomplicated. It doesn’t talk back unless, of course you post something on Facebook that is controversial-but that is a whole other subject. The price for that ‘easy route’ is distance from and lack of genuine relationship with those we say we love. Fulfilling isn’t easy.
It was clear to me that this sweet husband was intentional in prioritizing his wife, this woman he vowed to love and cherish. Unfortunately, what I witnessed isn’t a dime a dozen, oh how I wish it were. I want a younger couple to come up to us and ask us what our secret is when we are in our 80’s-leaving the right impression that it is entirely possible to have ‘that’ kind of marriage. It takes paying attention and ‘paying intention’.
For More Information about connecting read John Maxwell’s book, Everyone Communicates Few Connect. https://audiobookstore.com/audiobooks/everyone-communicates-few-connect-2.aspx?msclkid=9e7d1b6598181b9d19e879a5aa96d552