A new course is available from Mustard Seed Coaching! Whaaaat??!!!
Every now and then people come into your life that push you beyond your comfort zone-they are a blessing beyond words.
I mentioned a few months back that I was working on a ‘project’ to be talked about at a later date. Well, today is the later date! It has finally come to fruition, and I am so excited! I have had several projects floating around in my grey mater, at his mere suggestion of said project and so landing on which one to start with was anguish. Roughly 6 weeks after Tim suggested this project, (thank you Blitzy!), I finally landed on an inaugural offering after starting two others which I felt ultimately needed context.
So…….I coach for a living, not because I have to, but because it’s my passion and what I was born to do. How I came to coaching was out of desperation and lack when it came to relational tools, specifically with regard to conflict resolution. Though ever-present, it came to an undeniable head a few short years into marriage when my ‘tools’ that I was deploying were tools of dysfunction. I think we all use ‘tools’ in our attempts to navigate relationships, the question is, are they healthy or unhealthy tools? Functional or dysfunctional?
There isn’t a family on the planet that is perfectly functional because we all fall short. Not one of us is perfect….so of course all of our relationships will be challenged to a greater or lesser degree. We all need some help. The thing is, when you grow up in dysfunction, you don’t even realize it’s dysfunction, right? It might be really painful and you might really dislike it and feel frustration, anxiety, anger, and fear (to name a few feelings that accompany the unhealthy stew you were brewed in) yet, we grow up and deploy the same behavior that is in our arsenal that we caught growing up or we radically react and overcompensate the other direction. We do what we know or what ‘seems’ right. Problem is, what seems right often gets us into trouble, escalates conflict or doesn’t deal with it in a healthy, loving, productive way.
I saw a lot of silent treatment, a lot of passive/aggressive behavior. A lot of anger, rejection, and not a lot of healthy communication. Did my parents do the best they could with the tools in their toolboxes? Absolutely! Did they want us kids to turn out great and be good citizens of this planet? Absolutely! I think part of their expressed anger and frustration was because they wanted so badly for us to do good, be good, turn out good! They just were lacking some tools.
What happened? What is the end of the story? Well, the story is still being written….because we are still a work in progress. I would say that I was a relational dumpster fire, parroting what was modeled for me. Because I lived in fear, I was passive/aggressive, fake, had no boundaries, lots of anxiety and lacked communication tools. I had huge trouble with saying no or expressing my needs. If we had a fight, I was certain we were getting a divorce (fear) and wasn’t ok if my spouse wasn’t ok-which meant that my emotions were sling shotted all over the place like a person attached to bungy cords because they were dependent on others around me. Of course, my spouse didn’t understand how to communicate in such a way as to help me feel secure in our relationship. It’s the same stuff I see in my office all the time. I would like to say that I never make a relational blunder or mistake. I would like to say that I’ve arrived, but that would be a fallacy. I haven’t-but by the grace of God, I’m not where I was. I’ve learned and grown, and if I can you can!
But enough about that. Hence, the project.
I created a Marriage Troubleshooting 6 Week Course (written from a Christian perspective). It is an introduction to self-coaching, in a course that is jam packed with tools that relate to:
- 3 Levels of Love
- Being an Emotionally Safe Spouse
- Effective Communication Hacks
- Loving Boundaries-what they are and what they aren’t
- Demystifying what is driving you and your spouse towards conflict and how to resolve
- Clean up your Stinkin’ Thinkin’
T o purchase the course click here:
Christian Marriage Trouble-Shooting 6 Week Course | Mustard Seed (teachable.com)