I have a wonderful auntie-like friend, Donna. She is a servant and a giver. In her 70’s, still constantly loading her plate and wanting to bless others, it seems she is always bringing a meal to someone. She doesn’t do to earn favor with the Lord, she realizes that though none of us deserve favor with the Lord-we get it because of what Jesus did when we accept His free gift of salvation. Nope, Donna serves because she simply loves the Lord and loves people.
Her grandson got married last Friday evening in a most beautiful wedding ceremony. But that is closer to the end of the story-let’s back up to the beginning. As soon as grandson announced engagement and set a date, Donna was part of the action in helping to facilitate this celebration. A master at hosting/serving/hospitality, she met with DIL(MOG) as well as bride and MOB. Plans were put into place, many hands were needed. As a special gift to her grand-daughter-in-law-to-be, she offered to throw a ‘tame’ bachelorette party by hosting a ‘barn dinner’ in her honor-this, apparently a thing up here in ranch country I had never heard of. Donna asked me if I would help cook/serve and of course I said yes, being a friend of the family (ok-being basically adopted into their family) and wanting to bless the bride-to-be I hadn’t yet met. 6 weeks in advance we had a date for it, a plan, it was going to be great fun!
That very same week plans were put into place, Donna’s sister who lived several hours away was diagnosed with what would be terminal cancer. Wanting to be with her sis, Donna left town for extended stretches, caring for and loving on her sis, helping her niece. To say she was stretched is an understatement. She was up through the night helping her sister to navigate to the bathroom, making sure her oxygen tube didn’t get tangled, cooking for her, cleaning her, caring deeply-selflessly serving. If you have ever found yourself caring for someone extremely ill, you understand how that alone can be exhausting. As the weeks marched on, her sister’s health declined. Soon the writing was on the wall, not if, but when her sister would pass-with a very important wedding coming up, miles and hours away. I can only imagine how her heart must have been divided. How she must have felt extremely torn not knowing how to be two places at once.
Four days before the bachelorette party, early in the morning, her sister passed this life. Donna was there with her. That afternoon she made the long drive home, determining to continue on with the commitment she had made for the party. She felt it would be good medicine for her to have something to focus on, keep her busy….serving can be healing. So, we were set to go. Fast forward to the morning of…..Donna felt ill. Head aching and weary, she tearfully contacted the mother of the bride to say she couldn’t host it. Grace #1, everyone of course said they understood, were gracious and encouraged Donna to just rest and take care of herself. But there is more to the story.
I got to visit with Donna yesterday. She shared with me how calling off the bachelorette party was the hardest thing she has ever done. She felt so bad. She had a long visit with the mother of the bride. The Mother of the Bride, who is about the age of her kids, told Donna how her saying, ‘No’ when she needed to was actually setting a great example and precedent for her and her daughters on how to say, ‘No’ when you need to say, ‘no’. Of course, Donna was enormously disappointed at not being able to bless the bride, but understanding that her saying, ‘no’ when she actually needed to, was a great example to next generations was a refreshing twist she hadn’t expected. She never thought of it that way, as many of us don’t. It’s easy for us to think of our ‘yes’s’ as being a good example to those around us…but what an unexpected grace and blessing to hear that the very disappointing, ‘no’ was a actually a great example too. Grace #2. This story was retold with permission. And now you know the rest of the story.
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