I just got a text from my hubs about 30 minutes after he got to work. ‘Happy Valentine’s Day. Luv. I have a card for you. I just forgot to put it out this morning.’ He beat me to it. Life has been so busy recently that I was reminded that I too forgot this morning to wish him a Happy Valentine’s Day. I got a card for him a week ago, signed and sealed, then promptly forgot to put it out…..so like my little ADHD self. We have a bit of a role reversal when it comes to romance. He usually remembers our anniversary-I am usually up to my elbows in dirt-working the soil and getting a garden in or landscaping done in our yard.
I used to hang so much on Valentine’s Day. Growing up as a teen and young adult, dreaming of all the romance-so much caught through media, commercials, movies, tv shows. Married for almost 23 years and together for almost 27, we have a different style of romance now (easier and more comfortable), preferring to barbeque steaks and stay home, snuggled in watching a movie instead of dinner and movie out. Hold the box of chocolates-never been much of a fan (I get nauseous at the smell walking down the candy aisle, always have but that’s a tale for another day)-back to romance. All the pressure guys get especially to have flowers and chocolates…..for one day a year to declare their love. Seems kind of silly to me. Always has. Flowers fade, but daily kindness and thoughtfulness-that speaks love daily and costs little. I would rather show my love for my spouse and his significance to me daily, consistently….in all kinds of little ways and visa versa. I have chosen to focus on appreciating how my spouse takes care of my car for me so I don’t have to deal with getting the oil changed and all the other little ways he takes care of me as his declaration of love. I appreciate it when he helps me with the dishes when he could otherwise sit on the couch and just let me deal with the mess and take for granted I will-that’s love. Some would say, ‘he’s just doing his part, you work too!’ I could look at it that way, but I choose to just be appreciative-and I’m happier for it. He was up at 5 this morning shoveling the 6 inches of snow we woke up to this morning in the Rockies, so I don’t have to be in the cold dealing with it-love. So much of our expectations being met and our perception of being loved hangs on what we choose to focus on. How we choose to frame it.
If you are a romantic and your spouse is not-how you choose to focus will play a large part in how your day shakes out. Will you choose to focus on the all myriad little ways that they show you their love throughout the year? Or will you hang how you feel today on how they express their love to you today only? Seems like a lot of pressure. Seems loaded for disappointment (been there, done that).
Another way to approach this day instead of having great expectations of love received-how can you make his/her day special-without expectation of anything in return. Just giving to give. Loving to love-because you can. Because that person doesn’t have to meet any expectations to be your object of affection. Wow. Seems like a fantastic approach. Win win.
On a budget? Hide notes sprinkled strategically where they will find them and be surprised. If the day allows-bring them breakfast in bed? Surprise meet them for lunch? Can you make a nice dinner and dine in? Dim the lights, light a candle(s). Go for a walk in the park, hand in hand (or glove in glove)-in the stillness and snow here, it would make for a beautiful evening. What is their favorite meal? What speaks love to your sweetie?
Give because you ‘get to’.
Happy Valentine’s Day.
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