Well, it is finally finished. Tada! The blog post How To Wreck Your Marriage 101 became a book! What a ride it was writing a book. I have learned so much and there is still so much to learn. Thank you, Tim Hamblin for all your tireless efforts in helping me create and launch this work!
This book is birthed from a lifetime of observing myself and others commit very common faux pas in marriage, and my passion to help people practically change course to take their relationships to the next level, building true trust, intimacy, connectedness. Though written with the marrieds in mind, this read is for anyone wanting to improve relationships with others. It’s really Relationship 101.
How many couples have I seen get to 4 years, 7 years, 10 years or 35, 40, or even 70 years and while they are ‘still together’, they are not thriving. Observers wouldn’t actually think they were ever lovers, let alone ever liked each other. I honestly don’t consider it a great accomplishment to be married all those years and though, together, ‘mis’-treating each other more like bitter enemies instead of a beloved, trusted, and respected partner. Years of feeding a root of bitterness, committing the same toxic mistakes, often bewildered as to why their spouse might not be as close, and intimately connected as they would like-often our destructive patterns hitch a ride into our adulthood as a result of relationships we observed or were part of in our childhoods.
We often live life from a state of autopilot instead of creating intentional healthy habits in our thinking, then doing. I will hammer it home again, we ‘do’ as a result of how and what we ‘think’. It all starts by doing a clean up on Aisle 16 in our hearts. Out of an abundance of what is in our hearts flow our words and actions. If I have bitterness stored in my heart, my actions will probably not be as loving as they could be. While I might be doing the dishes, I will be doing the dishes ‘loudly and aggressively’, making sure everyone ‘knows’ mama ain’t happy.
Our thinking followed by our words and actions will set a tone in the home and in our relationships. This book is for you to peer into your patterns of behavior, with raw honesty, holding up the mirror. You see, you are the most influential person in your marriage. You have the power to change your marriage by changing how you navigate your day to day struggles. One spouse might trigger another, but always, always the respondent has the choice as to whether there will be explosive, unhealthy conflict or not. The respondent can escalate or deescalate the tension and move towards healthy resolution or not.
I grew up without learning the skills to have healthy, necessary conflict. This book is birthed from the pain of my past literally crippled ability to navigate conflict successfully. I didn’t realize how unhealthy I was by not addressing the hard things that needed to be addressed in my relationships. I thought I was doing right by ‘pleasing’ everyone around me, but not walking in the truth. In my adult years, my older brother, Danny always encouraged me to ‘walk in the truth’. What a profound impact those word have had on my coaching practice. My practice is rooted and grounded in helping people shift their perspective and thinking not just to positive thinking but to accurate thinking. The bible says, ‘…the Truth will set you free.’ It is truly true.
Whether on the aggressive side of the conflict spectrum or on the people-pleaser, peace-faker, this book addresses both sides of the coin of conflict-inviting a perspective shift. It’s a brave read.
To grab your copy of the e-book click here: How To Wreck Your Marriage 101
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Click here to check out my Christian Marriage Troubleshooting 6 Week Course for all kinds of tools to think differently and navigate the relationship challenges that come with marriage: Christian Marriage Trouble-Shooting 6 Week Course | Mustard Seed (teachable.com)