A Test Question……
Imagine your spouse does something that is irresponsible, inconsiderate and impacts your plans. You now have to alter your plans to accommodate and cover the bases that need to be covered. You’re ticked. You’ve been inconvenienced. He/she doesn’t deserve grace and forgiveness. You are now faced with a decision to make.
You:
- Give him the stink eye silent treatment when you get home-cold shoulder treatment. Not actually having any kind of a conversation about it, coming to resolution and healthy reconciliation. Instead, eventually letting the anger blow over and then resuming life as if nothing happened, but simmering deep down is disappointment and unforgiveness.
- Shame him when you get home, berating him and making sure he understands what a ‘bad dog’ he has been. Letting him know that it might be more comfortable actually sleeping out with Fido in his house out back-it might be a warmer night.
- Take to the airwaves! Post your grievances on social media! Get some revenge.
- Show your spouse grace. Have a loving response when it absolutely is the last thing you feel like doing. Get your thinking right in your own head before you respond. Intentionally being kind and forgiving. Not holding over his head your grievance towards him. Realizing in the big scheme of things, you blow it too. And, when the time is rigt, have a self-controlled, level headed, kind conversation about it, dealing with incident with grace and humility. Letting him know that, while you didn’t love the behavior, you absolutely love him-and that won’t change.
The old me would have for sure gone with answer ‘A’ in my own dysfunction. Not having the right thinking or skills to handle the conundrum with grace. I would have passed judgement feeling justified in letting a little silent wrath escape my failing attempt at self-control. You know, what is within us in abundance, spills over. We can’t help but let it. It just oozes out one way or another. And by the way, what does any of this have to do with Christmas?
Here’s the thing.. Back to the first question….the thing is, the right answer is ‘D’. 99% of the time the person committing the offense realizes they stepped in it. They know they did wrong, even if they don’t admit it because of pride or embarrassment. They might even defend their wrong, making excuses or blame others because they have never experienced grace and don’t realize that when grace-the ‘great diffuser’ is ushered in, their defenses can come down. Oftentimes people who have wronged others won’t ‘go first’ and confess, because they are afraid their noses will be rubbed in the stench of their sin. Maybe that’s all they’ve experienced in the past.
What if you had an out-of-the-box response? What if you covered that person with unexpected grace and didn’t punish or shame them? You know-that’s why Christmas happened. That is what Christmas is all about. It was Grace and Truth come down from heaven in the form of a wee babe, Jesus. He came on a rescue mission-to save us from our sin. Was born, grew up and lived life, fully God and fully human-intimately aware of our suffering. Intimately in touch with suffering injustice. He loved us anyway. He poured out grace on a cross. Graciously loving us first, while we were yet still rebellious sinners-underserving. What we deserved was the big stink-eye. What we deserve is total rejection in our iniquity before a perfect and holy God. But while He hates sin, He loves (us) sinners more.
While we get prepped for the Big Day, while we shop and make ourselves busy wrapping and bustling around-there will be plenty of opportunity for us to become offended. There will be traffic violators who cut us off. There will be spouses who ‘step in it’ and make disappointing blunders. There will be kids who are very much thinking only of the entitlements they think they deserve.
Again, the answer is ‘D’. Shower with grace. Go first. Love first. After all, “We love because He first loved us.” 1 John 4:19. For further inspiration, read 1 John 4:81-21.
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