What do you tell yourself as you begin each day? Are you even aware of your thoughts? Do you even realize that you are likely having a conversation with yourself? Do you realize you are either speaking life or you are speaking death over your day, your life, other’s lives? Do you realize you are either telling yourself a story that will usher in peace or anxiety-in spite of your circumstances? Did you know that you can have peace in chaos (not that chaos is ever fun)? And further, when we bring ourselves to a state of anger, anxiety, depression, that can effect and infect others around us, it literally can set the tone in your workplace, home, marriage, etc.
I have watched people in minutes swing from a full on panic attack, (rapid breathing, nausea, ‘feeling like they were going to die’-in these cases not cardiac related) to complete calm and regulated within just a few minutes. What changed? Did their circumstances change? No. Everything was as it was before, but it was a change in focus. You see, what we choose to focus on literally can make our day or wreck our day.
I am not an advocate of ‘positive thinking’, I am an advocate of accurate thinking, or ‘whole truth coaching’. Usually we get stuck in part of the story, usually the unpleasant, ‘crappy’ part of the story and focus on that. We don’t bring in the entire truth. Why? I don’t know why. Well, let me retract that. We are sinners in a sin-fallen world and we don’t always tell the whole truth. We are short-sighted and tend to forget what God says in His Word. We often delude ourselves into thinking we are in control of our lives and that we have to control or should have control over our circumstances, the people in our lives (yes, sometimes we think we should control our spouses). But that simply isn’t the truth. Part of the fruit of the Spirit is having self-control, but there is nothing in the Word that says we should control those around us. How twisted we get it all. When we tell ourselves we ‘should’ have control over others around us, we get wrapped around that axle. It’s simply not the truth and when we believe that, which flies in the face of reality, because we can’t control others (nor should we attempt to), we cause ourselves anxiety, frustration, anger, etc.
If instead I focus on what I can control, taking 100% responsibility (that is 100% ability to respond to what life brings to my doorstep) for myself, I start to embrace part of the concept of boundaries. A proper boundary for myself is what I choose to allow into my life and what I hold myself accountable to in what I won’t allow myself to do, or more importantly think. You see all that we do starts with our thoughts, for good or for bad. Most ( 95-99% ) of our thoughts are in the subconscious-not even at the level of our awareness. No wonder we loop, and have patterns of destruction, addiction, depression, anxiety.
How do we change how and what we are thinking?
- Get into God’s Word, The Holy Bible. He has a lot to say. Not that the whole bible isn’t important, because it is-but the New Testament has a lot to say about how we should think.
Some of my personal favorites (though not an exhaustive list): Matthew Chapters 5-7; 1 Corinthians 13:1-13; James 1:2-5; Philippians 1:3-6, 19; 2: 3-18 and 4:4-13; Ephesians chapters 3 and 4 are rich! Ephesians 4:31-5:2, chapter 6. For me to boil it down to those few scriptures almost feels wrong. When I studied the New Testament my life was changed. I love the books of the Old Testament too-lots of inspiration and instruction. Pray.
- Exercise is great for letting the l-tryptophan (an amino acid) that is a precursor for serotonin, (a feel good chemical) get into our brains. L-tryptophan, as it turns out, doesn’t compete well with other amino acids in getting to the brain, but when you exercise, other amino acids head to the muscles, making ‘space’ for l-tryptophan, and thus serotonin to get to the brain. Runner’s high is really a thing.
- When you are feeling depressed, anxious, negative, angry-take time to write down your thoughts and then question them. Are they true? Can you prove them in a court of law? Are they the whole truth? Who do you become, how do you respond to life when you believe that thought? Who would you be/how would you feel without that thought?
- Look at supplementation-how you are feeding your brain? A clean diet is critical if you want to feel and think right. Are you fueling your brain or throwing sugar into the gas tank?
- Get coached! 😊 Remember-how we think is critical to every aspect of our lives, how we feel emotionally, how we respond to and interact with our world-spouses, kids, co-workers, friends and family. We are part of the solution or we are part of the problem.
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Click here to check out my Christian Marriage Troubleshooting 6 Week Course for all kinds of tools to think differently and navigate the relationship challenges that come with marriage: Christian Marriage Trouble-Shooting 6 Week Course | Mustard Seed (teachable.com)